Stardust
by Face The Stars
Summary: "ARGHHHH KATSU!" "Calm down Gaara, they're just mosquitoes." Life as the older sister of the sand siblings can get hard sometimes. SI/OC
1. Twinkle

_"The atoms of our bodies are traceable to stars that manufactured them in their cores and exploded these enriched ingredients across our galaxy, billions of years ago. For this reason, we are biologically connected to every other living thing in the world. We are chemically connected to all molecules on Earth. And we are atomically connected to all atoms in the universe. We are not figuratively, but literally stardust."_

― _Neil deGrasse Tyson_

* * *

Hokori.

Dust.

The name of the first-born child who was brought into the night gasping for breath underneath the twinkling stars. Staring into the light of the waning moon and tasting the glittering galaxies that layered into the sky like thick brushes of paint.

Dust. So much like the accursed sand that danced in this suffocating village, burning bare feet and puffing into shaded eyes with a whispered crackle. It sucked all life out of the vibrant earth and leaves only sparkling dunes of gold and straggling plants that crinkled brown at the edges.

She really does hate dust.

But she probably hates sand more.

She remembers in a time(long, long ago) when she was still little, curling her toes into the burning warmth of the beach for the first time, giggling as the foaming waves rose up to meet the edge of her feet. Chasing after a receding tide, the sand wetter and colder in the wake of the ocean, before getting submerged by the next pull.

And she remembers the taste of salt and fish and spitting out dirty water with immense disgust, and walking away with sand invading every crevice of her body(a month later, she was still scrubbing grains out from behind her ear).

She admits, she dislikes a lot of things(-but she loves a lot too, maybe too much so,) but she grimaces and she makes promises that she never keeps, and she tucks in securely it that part of her brain you could argue was your conscience for ominous feelings to haunt her later.

And, then, she gets over it.

Most of the time.

So when thrust into this confusing situation in which something warm and _alive_ just tried to suffocate her, in a surrounding that's brighter than Sirius A, she does the first thing that comes to mind.

The little infant wails as hard as her raw little lungs can, as if trying to tear apart the tissue-thin pressure that wraps around her breaths, and her screams resound in the room of noises that stops for a brief moment. Half in instinct and half because she had actually forgotten what it felt like to move, to speak. Pushing her vocals loud as she possibly can because _oh my god what the absolute fuck is happening stop touching me._

The last thing she remembers is nothing, but it was better than this.

She stops when all the motion stops, letting a haze settle on her hysterical mind like layers of film, like someone reached into the chest of one of those old-timey projectors in the middle of a black and white movie and ripped out all its dark coiling innards. Light-headed and blurry-eyed. Her head lolls heavily against her will and she slumps tiredly into the fate that faces her.

Then she's being _cradled_ against something large and warm, with sturdy shaking limbs that envelop her in a familiar feeling, something that she barely remembers from the same long, long time ago. Against her will or not, her face turns obediently to the warmth, and she takes solace in the quiet darkness. It feels of warmth and milk, and something else that attracts a deep part of her like a magnet.

In seconds, she's lulled to sleep with her head resting on a fluttery beating heart.

* * *

The next few days are spent in a blur of confusion as she starts to recover from whatever that had just happened to her. She only knew the darkness and the stillness, before the world had shoved and squeezed and spun motion in a world of light.

It would throw off anyone.

(She wishes she could return to that peaceful void, where she didn't have to look and think and wonder and _grieve_. )

"Hokori-chan!" The Main Blob would say, always looking down at her, a sturdy warmth at her back as if she was being held. She isn't sure what it means, really, the jumbles of words(or at least she thinks they're words) being spewed out at her. And she doesn't like it when she's taken away from that pressing warm, a glowing green(such a nice shade) above her that always makes her insides feel like they're being doused in lukewarm water(the first time it happened, she cried and cried, but it was normal for infants to react at the sudden probing of new chakra within them).

Time doesn't wait for disorientation to fix itself, but luckily she was soon taken away from that place of too-bright, to somewhere with darker furniture and a quieter room. She goes through her first days in a blur of sleep and wide eyes full of curiosity, confusion, and disbelief.

Between her body forcing her to sleep and eat, she rests and adjusts and her mind starts to find itself. The movements and objects around her become more obvious, her ability to infer returning with her experiences of another world, one not too far from this. At first, there's a burning embarrassment, directed at all manner of different things that her mind slowly begins to comprehend. And then the cold wave of uncertainty, as she wades through the muddled mess of her memories.

It takes her a while to piece them together the memories that floated around in her brain in a muddled mess. Like stitching together strips of discolored cloth, trying to find a pattern in which everything fit.

Sometimes, in dreams, the past and the present merged together. Sometimes, she relives days of a different time.

When she finally does figures it out, the world shifts into a different perspective and everything clicks together in one fatal swoop.

She was Sarah, a seventeen year old girl who was just starting to figure out her life.

Or rather, she used to be.

The point was, she was dead. Gone. No longer in that plane of existence. It was the finishing line, truly, she had believed. In that eternal darkness where thoughts weren't thoughts and months trickled by like seconds(after the fear and the panic and the screaming screaming screaming).

But then somehow, she found herself crammed into the body of a _newborn_ _baby-_ given second chance at the open oyster of the world. A miraculous event, one would typically assume. But, even at the prospect of once again being able to experience the many wonder of life, she wasn't happy.

Her time had been over. _The end_. When you close the last chapter of the book, you don't just staple a stack of papers to it and keep writing. She had already had her chance at life(and although it was brief, it wasn't immensely regretful-just disappointing) and lost it, why take over someone else's? Tendrils of disgust twisted in her stomach at the thought of erasing someone's mind before they even knew what it was. Of ejecting the previous inhabitant of this body from it's post. The life she replaced would never get to experience the joys of taking the first breath of air during a crisp autumn day, of the warmth in a cup of hot chocolate in the winter, or of sitting outside your porch at 5 am, watching the sun slowly break over the dark horizon, chasing away the fading indigo of night. The wondrous parts of living, that come with the pains and aches in a wonderful clashing symphony that mixed to bring worth into a life.

Well, that is, she supposes, if that child would have ever existed without her soul? Maybe it was simply a husk of an idea, waiting for the occupation of a host before coming into existence. Maybe it was brought into place directly by her. Or maybe it was indeed a forceful ejection, in which the other was sent to take her place in the after-realm. She would never know.

However, it didn't take very long for her to draw her conclusions about her new surroundings. Despite peering through a blurry gaze(which was like trying to see through patterned glass, or the smudge of sleep in the morning), she could see that hers was a classic situation right out of the hundreds of fanfictions she used to read in another life-she just never expected for it to actually occur.

Stuck in an infant body? Check. Strange new world? Check.

Ruthless killers running around like it was completely and totally normal? Check, check, and double check.

She would like to thank her younger self for being obsessed with anime, however half-heartedly and secretly. The past knowledge had luckily already introduced her to her circumstances-and she really didn't want to think of what would've happened if she didn't already know this world.

Cliche rebirth into the world of Naruto where main female character changes the plot and somehow magically saves everyone? Check.

Well, except maybe not that last part.

Not that she didn't care, because she did. It was hard not to become emotionally invested in characters, especially if you were soft-hearted and weak like she was, and is. She really doesn't believe she can survive in a cruel world like this-she simply wasn't made for it. The chances of her keeping herself alive, much less save entire generations, is a teeny tiny microscopic thing. Sure, she could try her best, but this was real life, wasn't it? There's no 'good will always prevail' in real life. There are no second chances. And there are no guarantees. There is only 'I wish' and 'I hope' and 'I try'. But in the end, it's always 'I cannot control what the world will throw at me'.

She's selfish and scared, and it's much easier to just care about those that become close to you. It's much easier to know people have died as long as you've never had any connection to them, never met them, and never got to know them. At the age of seventeen years old, she wasn't yet considered an adult, but she was still clever in her own way. Perhaps she'll be able to figure something out.

But for now, she wanted to focus on living and learning and enjoying her childhood again.

Really, what did she do to deserve this?

Being reborn into the world of Naruto wasn't a dream come true, it was a complete and utter nightmare. She didn't want to live here, where death hid at every turn and children witness things that would send the strongest of adults to mental institutions. It was dangerous, unpredictable, and full of bloodshed.

She wouldn't fit in. But if she didn't, she would most likely die.

* * *

Hokori(No last name, neither of her parents had one) was a strange child. In the first few weeks, nobody noticed. She cried when she needed something(or if she just missed the comforting warmth of those arms that felt like they could block out the world) and slept the other portion of the time. No, it was the few months after that Karura realized something was...off. Her sweet bundle still cried, yes, and she still dozed, but the other half of the time, she would just be staring at ceiling whenever Karura checked on her, and then those violet eyes( _her_ eyes) would shift their attention to her.

Instead of focusing for a moment before wandering, those(vibrant, bright) eyes would gaze at her, as if detailing her, classifying, considering.

Although she tried not to be, Karura was slightly shaken.

It was particularly bad when any of her friends came over to see her daughter, as despite her accepting and soft nature drawing other like-minded people, they were always uncomfortable after Hokori turned her all-absorbing gaze on them(Karura watched as their lips pursed, holding back words that she knew she wouldn't want to hear, and in a way, she's glad when they cut the visit short and leave her house a little more hurried than they should be).

But at the end of the night, she would always rock her precious baby to sleep with a smile, quietly humming a lullaby in the emptiness of the bedroom(a slight ache in her heart knowing that even with the birth of his first child, her husband had only lingered for a few days longer, dedication to his village triumphing over all as it always eventually did. But any anger towards him would always be extinguished by the loving light in his gaze, as it always eventually did).

"I'm sorry that not a lot of people like your eyes," She whispered to the closed eyelids of the new, illuminating piece in her life. "But mama thinks they're beautiful."

* * *

When I could finally make out my surroundings, I soaked up all the information I could get my hands on about this new world. The most common sight that faced me was my mother, always caring for me with a smile, and I quickly connected her to the soft, soothing voice that had been singing me to sleep the past months. From what I could tell, she had long light brown hair that reached her waist(it was a strange shade between sand and rock that I couldn't quite place my finger on), bangs brushing her dark blue eyes. Or were they purple? It was one of those shades that could go one way or the other, seeming to change colors in the light. She was always warm, or at least warmer than me, and her arms were cocoons of comfort.

Her mouth constantly curved in joy and her gaze only told of love and devotion, a hope and happiness at the new change in her life.

Karura(if my observations of what other people called her was correct) was _lovely_.

What can I say? I feel in love with my new mother at first glance.

If someone looked at you like you were their entire world, wouldn't you feel warm and mushy too?

Although I did miss my old life(especially its lower risk of dying in a painful, angsty, and horrendous way), I never really had a mom. My dad raised me by himself after my mother left, and even then we weren't very close. He just didn't care that much, I suppose. And in turn, I didn't bother to either.

To see someone that cherished me so wholly, so much, without knowing me made me...enraptured, and also a bit bewildered. How can one love a stranger that much?(-did my past maternal figures ever feel that same sort of wonder when she held me? Did she ever feel the rush of affection, the devotion to her newborn child, the want to be in its life-)

So, regardless of missing some of my friends and even my father too, I only needed a few days to grieve before accepting my new fate. There wasn't a lot left for me in the back-then. With each passing semester, I was struggling to carry dropping grades, and I hadn't been able to summon any aspirations to turn into a prospective career choice. The future seemed to get bleaker with every passing day. Not that this life would be any easier, but I had a small sliver of hope(if the time and place was right, then I might be able to avoid all contact with the plot, and all the stress that came with it).

In very rare circumstances, I would see the face of a man that I swore I knew. Equipped with stern eyes and dark red hair, the intimidating man was only home(it was her home now, wasn't it?) would just hold me with only the occasional mummer to the woman by his side, arms stiff. He would stare and stare, examining my features with intent scrutiny, to which I would always start to squirm(and I wondered if this was what others felt like when I stared at them, noting the differences and wondering what role they played, and I resolved to be more subtle about my analyzing next time). Tied sturdily across the expanse of his forehead was a black headband, upon which a metal plate lay, inscribed with the recognizable symbol of a short rectangle on top of a longer, curvier one(his hiate-ate, my mind mummered).

Sunagakure, huh? Even after all this time, it was fairly easy to remember the symbols of each village, as they were icons of the fandom and pretty easy to interpret with common sense. It definitely would've been my first option(a small town, or maybe even Konoha so I would know exactly what I was in for and who to avoid), as I quite hated deserts and the heat, but it was definitely much better than, for example, _Kiri(_ just the thought of going near that vicious country of bloodbaths made me shudder). That also meant that my dear old dad was a shinobi too, didn't it? That would explain his constant absence, although my new mom's presence was more than enough to make up for it. The chances of escaping the fighting, though, marginalized.

Sighing, I resign myself to my fate of burning sunlight and choking on grains of sand(this was karma, wasn't it).

My father wasn't bad, I suppose. There was something faintly familiar about him, and although his actions always felt a little awkward, it was never enough to make me detest when he appeared. (There was always a sort of lingering softness at the corners of his mouth, as if he was content.)

Above that, there were the _other_ problems that rapidly began to present themselves, such as language.

Of course what they spoke in the narutoverse wouldn't be english. It didn't take a genius to figure that out, and my suspicions were only affirmed by the strange dictions coming out of my mother and the other people that occasionally visited. It was annoying to have to learn a completely different vocabulary, but I guess it would just take some time and effort for me to pick up on it. It helped that my new mom like talking to me and would read to me, along with the powers of my baby sponge-brain. Being completely immersed in the language everyday, it wasn't too hard for me to start picking things up.

At two months old, I started to work out my vocals. Other than screaming in the middle of the night because my body commanded me to get food to fill the endless growing void, I tried to form words and imitate common things my 'Mom' said(a greeting, a goodnight, and the names of common weapons-).

I heard my name, Hokori, a lot. Usually with a little 'chan' on the end, if mom felt particularly gooey that day. Of course, then she also referred to herself in the third person as 'kaa-san' a lot, which I guess meant mother.

It was by complete accident that I had said my first word a month later-'Kaa' of course. It didn't have any honorifics, but I guess it was still considered a word judging by aforementioned person's reaction. Big sparkly eyes of surprise and a lot of squealing. All I got out of her river of words was my name, 'Kaa-san', 'you', and a jumble of joyful exclamations.

Figuring that if I could form that word, then I could definitely form more. I actively started trying to talk, making strange noises reminiscent of words until I finally got one right. The cycle continued.

'Mom' read to me every chance she got, which was really nice. It not only helped me develop words and learn meanings, but also provided the entertainment of hearing stories. I really liked the fairy tales and children's stories from this world. They were different from the ones back in my other life in...interesting ways.

Instead of Cinderella, we had Suki, the story of the civilian who fell in love with a shinobi(and ended up divorced because civilians can't understand shinobi life as the ignorant sheep they are-but conveyed in a very subtle way). Three Little Pigs was replaced with The Lazy Boy, which told a lesson of always practicing(or else face incompetence and die-or in his case, turn into a bush). Kutabaru who forgot to sharpen his kunai(you can probably guess what happened when he engaged in battle without a useable weapon), a genin that disobeyed his superiors and subsequently faced capture by 'enemy nins'(which suspiciously had what looked like leaf engravings on their hitai-ate), the legendary Sunotoko from Sunagakure that conquered all the other corrupted warring nations, etc etc. They felt like war propaganda, and I shivered to think if these were the regular books read to shinobi children, as many themes centered around loyalty to the village while also emphasising the 'cruelty' and 'savagery' of other Great Shinobi Nations. My hope of being born years after the Fourth Shinobi War was trampled, as no way those peaceful cooperating nations would publish these scripts, as well as striking out the distant past(although that was for the best, as people back then killed just to kill, and if I was anywhere near a main character the chances to change the future would probably drive me to insanity me with it's pressure).

Regardless, some stories were terrifying enough that when I tried to sleep, I only ended up with images of foolish kunoichi speared by their own teammates for not listening to commands. Already, I felt the notions and values of a shinobi being ingrained into my mind.

I found myself unable to care as I let the brainwashing for the bloody path ahead of me slowly work it's magic.

Not to say that the gory stories weren't interesting though. They were enthralling in a sick, solemn sort of way that made you cautious of your surroundings. Almost like a serious, less supernatural horror movie. Or maybe that comparison was just the product of my still sensitive mind trying to adapt to this new vicious world.

At five months old, I was finally allowed to wean off the milk and eat some actual(ok, not actual. It was baby food and it was still gross, but at least it was semi-solid) food. The taste made me wanna claw out my tongue, and the sliding of the goop down my throat after my gums fruitlessly try to nom it made a small piece of me wither away, but it was another step in growing old enough I wouldn't have to deal with this shit.

As well, I decided that it was time to see if my body would let me be mobile yet. After a few weeks of rolling around like an idiot, trying to push myself up with my arms, and doing strange wiggles in an attempt to crawl, I finally managed to accomplish something. If I put in enough effort and concentration, I could get my chubby baby arms to provide adequate support to my body, letting me very slowly and painstakingly force myself into sitting while breathing heavily and feeling like a world class weightlifter. Within a few days, however, I had mastered the art of getting up and proudly showed it off to a surprised Kaa-san.

By the time I was eight months old, I was toddling around the house like a pro, stressing out Kaa-san everytime she couldn't find me but managing not to break anything(though I did let out a few teary whimpers the times my feet would get ahead of myself and make me to fall flat on my face). Despite being confined to the decently-sized apartment, there were just so many places to explore, a whole new world from beyond my crib. It could be my childish body making me act like a kid, but I enjoyed my taste of freedom from being released from eight months of long torture to finally being able to indulge in the sweetness of movement.

When I was nine months old, I could hold a simple picture book in my hands and read it, much to my pleasure. A lot of my time was spent reading, even if my slight hyperactivity as a result of boundless-kid-energy refused to let me stay still for a very long time. In this time, Kaa-san only seemed to grow proud, if not a little anxious at how fast I was developing(not that it was uncommon for shinobi children to get a head start on motor functions. Most likely, it was that she thought my childhood was starting to slip away; even if one could argue that the stories told at my bedtime were enough to erase any semblance of innocence).

Spending time with Kaa-san was still the highlight of my days, even after I has began my curious expeditions. She was happy with any accomplishment I did, talked to me about anything and everything, cradled me when I acted too old to be coddled, and tucked me into the crib every night before kissing me on the forehead when she thought I was asleep. During the day, we would sometimes go and visit some of her friends or I would accompany her on errands, but mainly a bunch of childishly domestic activities that I felt tear a tiny hole in my heart for never having been able to experience such simple things in my past life. Random childish games, singing, drawing, things that unexpectedly sparked my young interest. Kaa-san also bought a bunch of different toys for me to play with, although she was a little disappointed at how quickly I got bored with them(in my defense, there were only so many times you could play Stack the Shuriken).

But instead of giving up, she just bought more complicated things, to my delight. We found our afternoons filled with teachings of shogi(which reminded me of chess), puzzles, and easy card games.

Before I knew it, I was one years old(it was hard to keep track of the time sometimes, since the seasons barely changed. I had gone through winter and summer without feeling any difference. Though that was why most houses had at least two calendars). Things were getting easier to do as I finished slipping into my mold. My speaking skills improved to basic words, even if it consisted of occasionally stumbling and slurring them in a sort of drunken toddler language. With a steadier hand on wide paper, I could messily write out my numbers up to five, along with the luckily simple characters of my name(those usually got botched more). We didn't have a big party, it was more just Kaa-san's friends bringing over presents(usually toys and clothes and books) and cooing over the(now less creepy) baby, having a slice of cake before leaving.

It was an overall okay day.

For my first year of birth, I rarely saw my father(tou-san, I reminded myself).Over the course of all the months, I had really only seen him at home for about a week at most, and it would almost always occur from his sudden appearance at breakfast, or the one time he got back late enough for lunch. Some nights when he came back, I would hear unfamiliar noises from the bathroom, which were probably the sounds of removing and cleaning clothes and weapons, along with the running water of the shower. With my limited grasp of Japanese, I was able to gather from Kaa-san that he was just busy due to his profession as a ninja, though I had already known that from his hiate-ate. The fact that he's typically gone for months at a time, though, gives me the sneaking suspicion that my new dad was most likely a more top tier shinobi, furthering my curiosity. Regardless, it was hard to spend time with him even on the days he was home, as he would normally come back from missions with injuries or chakra deprivation, making it hard for him to do anything with me other than maybe read some more books or put together a puzzle. Though he does fondly rub my head, noticing my growth every few months.

Once, he complimented me on my shogi skills. Right after beating me so single-handedly that I could only watch in horror as my entire side of the board was annihilated within minutes.

The man really had no mercy(and was definitely a force to be feared).

As abruptly as he came, tou-san would leave the moment he was deemed fit enough for action again. Kaa-san would jokingly whisper to me about him being more married to his country than her, and I would feel my mood lighten a little though some part of me was sure it was true(his work had to be important, I knew that, but this time once again, I was stuck with one absent- well, mostly at least- parent).

In the middle of the next year, Kaa-san decided that it was time enough for me to get some outside interaction, so I began accompanying her on shopping trips.

It was hot.

That's all I felt when I stepped outside on only slightly-wobbly legs, dressed in brown shorts and a blue t-shirt with the dark flowing fabric of the poncho-scarf protecting me from the sun and sand and clutching my mother's hand with tiny fingers. The few times the wind blew, it almost knocked my small figure over, so I had to stick closely to Kaa-san for support. It hadn't been my first time out of the house, but it was definitely the first time on my own feet. Everywhere looked pretty much exactly the freaking same, a palate of light brown, light brown, and light brown with some yellow and orange tones. My excitement at seeing more of the village quickly died.

All the houses...had the exact same design, though I got that there wasn't much you could do in the middle of a desert, it was still disconcerting to see. The streets were not any better, plain and desolate as not many people would want to go outside in the middle of the hot day and roast themselves into tiny burnt pieces when they could enjoy the pleasant indoors where skin cancer wasn't an immediate threat(Suna was definitely built for practicality). I watched in disbelief as tumbleweed floated by.

But most of all, the part that really rubbed me the wrong way was that Sand. Was. Frigging. Everywhere.

It was _Suna,_ I know, I know, but the damn sand wasn't happy staying on the floor where it belonged. There wasn't usually wind, but when there was, it was like trying to avoid dust mites after someone shakes out a fifty-year-old curtain right in front of you. Aka, impossible.

I grimaced, pulling up my scarf further and hoping that I wouldn't have to scrub too many grains from my eyes tonight. I already felt them clinging onto my lashes,

Yes, instead of getting assaulted by the sand, I would much preferto stay home most of the time. Inside the nice, filtered, _air conditioned_ rooms.

Thank you, Kishimoto, for deciding to include some form of technology in Naruto.

Too bad my mother wasn't as sane as I and we would walk around town, occasionally going to the park where a few children would be playing(none of Kaa-san's friends really had children near my age. They were usually significantly older or nonexistent). It was fun to swing on the swings and occasionally play tag with the other children, but oh god the heat. I always ended up drenched in my own sweat, cheeks red and panting, and quickly asking Mom to take me home because I was in desperate need of a shower and sure that I was going to end up having a stroke right there in the middle of the sand pit(because how creative-having a fucking _sand pit_ in the middle of _Suna)_. But then the next day, she would bring me back, again and again, until I slowly began to adapt to worst of the summer months. At least, until I wasn't liable to pass out at any moment and lose my new life to Sunagakure's sun.

During my days in the park, though, I did make some friends. Or at least faces that slowly became more and more familiar as they appeared day after day. Sometimes, I wondered if they were some sort of playground-gremlins that lived there. I wouldn't be surprised.

There was Ichiro, a five year old boy that always had a runny nose and tripped on his scarf a lot. He had longer black hair and liked talking about his favorite heros. Then Mikiko, a boy a year older than Ichiro with sandy brown hair who acted much like the leader among the children, unafraid to call out if he thought the games were getting boring. The only other person that I often saw was Kyoumi, a five year old girl that had short blonde hair and brown eyes that was usually quiet except for when she suddenly shoves someone in the dirt(then, she laughs something bright and childish and slightly cruel. To my displeasure, I faced being one of the victims). As I was the youngest one there to participate in their games, most of the other children didn't pay much attention to me, already brushing me off as boring in the same way their drooling siblings were. It made me a little frustrated, surprisingly. Despite knowing that there was no way they were aware of my capacities, the fact that none of them really bothered to include me(never chasing me in tag, ending hide-and-go-seek before I was found, brushing off all my attempted sentences) rubbed me the wrong way. The worst part was, they were right. I was still young, still weak, still trying to develop the most basic advantages in height and stamina and speed.

That part made me pout in a corner, deciding to just stick to the swing set until kids of my age group grew up.

The only interesting part of the mass of snotty children was when they would take breaks and gather in a small group, talking about their siblings that had already entered the Academy, although it was mostly just bragging and some gossip.

The Academy, huh? It would be a lie to say I wasn't interested, but I felt like I needed more cards before betting all my chips. I wouldn't mind being a ninja, if I knew what was coming first.

But that was about the height of my social interaction with others that year, as even Kaa-san noticed the struggles from age and mind difference and would just usually let me go home after I pretended to socialize for an hour.

After my second birthday(another small party, although I did obtain an object of interest-a soft, liquid filled kunai-shaped teething toy that became my new favorite companion), I was finally judged as mature enough to be left alone at night without dying, to my delight, and was granted my own room.

There were only two other rooms in the house other than the one Kaa-san slept in, both so far only designated as guest rooms(and for when Tou-san came back from missions), so I was allowed to chose which one I wanted. There wasn't much of a difference between them. They both had a window on the same wall and they were roughly the same size. The only clear difference I could see was that one was a little less used than the other, the latter having a drop or two of blood on the floorboard that alerted me to who liked using this room. So, I just took the other one.

The first thing Kaa-san and I did was paint the walls. I picked out a nice shade of dark green to replace the bland light brown that blended in with the rest of the city. It only took two days to paint, my excitement building with each finishing task. If it was gonna be my room, after all, it would have to meet all my(newly drawn out) standards.

While the color dried, Kaa-san and I went shopping for new furniture. We quickly found a smaller futon, but looked in a lot of different stores for the a desk(black with three drawers and a miniature matching chair), a mini bookshelf in the same color, two lamps(a regular one with a blue shade for my bedside and a table lamp for the desk), an alarm clock, and, at my request, a nice leafy houseplant in a corner of the room.

It only took a few minutes to set everything up at home. The desk was placed in the corner across from the plant, so that the window would be in the middle of the two, while the short bookshelf went on the wall adjacent to the desk. The analog clock(the most standard design, stood up on two little legs with the bells at the top) sat at the head of where my futon was laid out in the middle of the room, also a sleek black.

It was with the stinging smell of paint in my nose and a new blanket over me that I was tucked into bed that night, Kaa-san sliding the fairytale she read to me back into its place among the other children's books now neatly organized in my bookcase.

I watched as the light from under the crack of the door switched off, hearing Kaa-san's footsteps slowly fade away in the direction of her room.

For an hour, I laid there, staring up at the comforting darkness of my new walls, but I couldn't find it within me to sleep. Turning my head to the side, I looked out the window at the buildings lit by the stars, serene in the silence of the night. Drawn to the pale light of the moon spread on the tatami mats in front of me, I clumsily crawled out of my futon, watching as the light slid over my skin before going over to open the window. I leaned my head outside, relishing in the slight chill of the wind tousling strands of my dark red hair and the soft noises of the desert creatures that filled my silence.

It felt like my future problems were light years away. Like the fate of the world didn't matter as long as I was here, cradling the galaxy in my open palms.

I was only two years old, after all.

What could happen?

Then, with the sounds of Kaa-san retching into the toilet at five in the morning, my peace abruptly smashed into pieces.

And I was forced to stare reality in the face.

* * *

 **Ok, so I made some edits(and unfortunately had to cut out a lot) becuase I realized my timeline was entirely off. Rasa wasn't gonna be kazekage for a few more years, and so a lot of the kazekage information i just had to cut out and move into later chapters ;-;**

 **I'll update soon, I promise!**

 **Edit: 5/13/18**


	2. Chapter 2: Temari

_Here we go_...I sat cross-legged in the dark silence of my room, a book titled _Fundamental Understanding of Chakra_ that I had stolen from Kaa-san's library lay open in front of me as I tried to focus. While it wasn't exactly an instruction manual on how to use chakra(which I'm pretty sure I shouldn't really messing with right now anyway, as my chakra coils haven't yet fully developed and the last thing I wanted was to end up doing collateral damage), it was helpful in at least getting more information on what the mystical substance that allowed ninjas to do what they did was. It had taken a few tries to understand the book, though, as my one-year-old vocabulary was hardly good enough to translate a formally written book and the pictures only told you so much. I had to compare text from other, simpler books, along with sneaking some subtle questions in to Kaa-san.

Sitting in the light of the moon(I had quite taken to the gentleness of the night), I felt calm wash over me. I wasn't seeking to control my chakra at this point, but rather to simply gain an awareness of it. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I let myself focus on the inner workings of my body, pushing past sensations I already knew. Luckily, having lived seventeen years of my life previously in a non-chakra inhabited body, it was easy enough to separate out what felt different despite the fact that my chakra system was still tiny and in development.

The first thing that caught my attention was the slightly-colder section in the direct middle of my abdomen. Concentrating, I noticed how it seemed to move, although sluggish. Despite the fact that it was wispy, occasionally feeling even sharp at the edges, there was also a part of it that was sturdier and less willing to move. Mixed between both, I could feel a more mobile force, moving with more energy than the more solid parts. Curious, I gently prodded at the core of my chakra with my mind, feeling it's edge curve the slightest bit inward at my direction. While the more...translucent part looked like it would be harder to move, it bended as well, showing it's density despite it's nature, although it did slip a little more quickly and was a bit messier. Malleable, but hard to control.

Satisfied with my inspection of the center, I directed my attention to the web it fed, assaulted by the sense of flowing energy circulating to ever part of the body. It was harder to feel the same sort of composition in the vessels, though, as they were much smaller. As well, trying to focus on simply one branch of the system seemed almost impossible, as I would always be drawn to the ones around it as well. Everything was just a constantly moving cycle.

Opening my eyes, I let out a shaky exhale, letting the overwhelming information seep out from my thoughts. Looking back up at the sky from the clear glass of my window, I saw that the moon was almost halfway across the sky. Yawning, I rubbed my eyes and got up, crawling back into bed.

More exploration could wait until tomorrow.

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

I could still remember when father came home the first few weeks and Kaa-san shyly broke the news to him, causing him to drop his chopsticks in the middle of eating an egg as he stared at her with pure shock. I hid my laugh behind a piece of toast as she walked over and showed him the pregnancy test. Only the soft look on his face as he leaned his head against Kaa-san's stomach could compare to his reaction at breaking the news.

It's been six months since then, and Kaa-san's stomach is noticeably bigger. She gets tired a bit more easily, and although she still likes going out to busy around town, she's been more and more restricted to the house simply because of the strain of always walking.

We've started flipping through baby names at night instead of reading stories, me tucked into her side as we picked out what we thought would be fitting. Since Kaa-san wanted the gender to be a surprise(like how mine was), so we looked at both male and female ones.

"What abo't...Natsuki?" I piped, tucked into Kaa-san's side, a big book of names propped up in front of us. The woman hummed, considering it for a second before shaking her head.

"No...she feels more like a...Susumi?" I wrinkled my nose.

"Eh…?"

We never ended up deciding, Kaa-san saying that she would know the moment she saw my new sibling. It became a waiting game.

Of course, pregnancies never liked making things easy, so it was when we were taking our usual walk in the afternoon when Kaa-san suddenly stopped, clutching her stomach.

Looking at me with wide eyes, she whispered "It's coming."

I had never had a sibling, I had never witnessed a pregnancy, and I had no idea what the hell to do when the baby was suppose to come out. So, I did the only thing I could do.

I flipped the fuck out.

Thank god a passing chunin was able to assess the situation and carry Kaa-san to the hospital, as all I did was make random screaming noises and run around in circles, making more trouble for my mother as she had to calm me down as well.

Outside of her hospital room, even after being comforted by nurses, I walked the floor nervously, wincing a little every time I heard her faint scream from beyond the door. The sight of a small toddler pacing in concentration, though, causing a few onlookers to giggle.

After a few hours, in which I was treated to lunch by some of the staff, I was finally allowed into the room.

Throwing myself onto Kaa-san's legs, who was sitting up on the bed and cradling a tiny bundle. Pressing the side of my face into the blankets, I stared at her with big eyes, begging her for information. She smiled, obviously tired yet extraordinarily happy, and gently turned the baby towards me.

"Hello, Kori-chan. Meet your new little sister~!"

I got up, eagerly peering at the small wrinkly face of my sibling. Babies looked weird, like little dried raisins, but the fact that they had such miniature detailed features like that of any grown person made made up for that in a way. It was almost...cute.

"Her name is Temari."

Temari! What a nice name-I froze.

Wait...T...Temari?

As in...Gaara's sister...Temari?

Everything clicked into place. Rasa, my father. Karura, my mother. I knew those names were familiar, I knew- I just hadn't been able to remember.

No way. No fucking way. This couldn't be real…could it?

"Kori-chan? Is there something wrong?"

I snapped out of my thoughts, forcing a smile onto my face as my mother(who would be dead in three years. My wonderful, loving mother-) looked at me with concern.

"N-No! T-Temari is...cute!"

Kaa-san would have to stay in the hospital with...T...Temari for a week before getting cleared, so I was sent to stay with one of her friends, a nice woman a few years old than Kaa-san whose son was in the Academy. While they were extremely pleasant to be around, all I could do from the moment I left the hospital, all through the(deliciously made) dinner, and up until I was set up in a spare futon in their guest bedroom, was think.

Think of what had happened. What was going to happen. What that would mean for me, what that would mean for my family, what the _hell_ I was suppose to do-

A lot of things, really. Oh shit, what was I _gonna do_?

There was no choice at this point, to get involved in the plot, because like hell I was going to let Gaara waste his sanity away, ostracized and thinking he was hated, and _suffering_ \- and at this point, there was no way I was escaping the insanity of the Fourth Shinobi War, where the entire fucking world was at risk of getting destroyed. I felt my chest get tighter, realizing that I was breathing a little too quickly, just the thought of the complete fucking _drug-trip_ Kaguya and Co. was.

Oh god, I wasn't going to survive, was I?

Feeling tears bud at my lashes, I quickly shoved down the lump in my throat, shaking my head.

No. No. I could do this. I had information, and as long as the people that mattered didn't die, then neither would the rest of us.

Yes, it would be okay. In fact, perhaps I could even help lessen the destruction. I would have to get a notebook, write out everything I can remember, everything that happens from this point on.

With a new goal in mind, I felt the panic ebb slightly. Although I still didn't sleep for the rest of the night, I could face my Kaa-san and Temari in the morning without feeling weak at the knees. And as my baby sister wrapped her tiny(tiny, _oh so_ tiny) hand around my finger, I felt that determination bloom.

I would keep her safe. I would keep them _all_ safe.

* * *

Temari...was a nightmare. Most nights after they came back from the hospital, she's woken us up in the middle of the night by screaming for food. Kaa-san assured me that it was normal, and would probably stop after a few months(A few. Months.), musing on how I was an remarkably quiet infant. While I was willing to bear it the first few times, after the ninth day with half-sleep, I cracked.

"Kaa-san!" I shouted, marching into the room where she was reaching over to pick up a wailing Temari, "I can't do it anymore-"

"Hmm?" She glanced at me, dark bags prominent under her eyes, looking like she's gotten no sleep in days, and I faltered in my anger.

"N-nothing..."

Standing awkwardly in the doorway, I watched as Kaa-san feed Temari and put her back to sleep before she turned to me and opened her arms. Silently accepting her hug, I felt Kaa-san rub the top of my head soothingly.

"I know Temari can be a handful sometimes," I inwardly scoffed. Handful didn't even cover it- "but as your sister, you have to be there for her even on her 'off' days. Ne?"

I slowly nodded into her shirt.

"Family is very important, after all…"

I didn't complain the night after that. Nor the one after that. Nor the one after that one.

In due time, I found myself getting used to the midnight noise, as Kaa-san was always quick to attend to Temari, and the moment she held the baby, she would stop crying.

And some mornings, I would wake up to the breakfast table and see Tou-san, holding Temari as she made gurgles at him. And for the time being, everything would be complete in that moment.

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

"RAWRRR! The S-rank nuke-nin, _Savage Orange Man_ , is attacking the Sand village!

Dark ink covered the front side of the fated tangerine, forming comically scary eyebrows and a deep, sharp frown. Classic evil in bold sharpie.

"OH NOOOOO! There's only one person who can defeat him and save Suna from the clutches of citric evil!"

The poor abused orange was suddenly and violently thrown at the large town of stacked building blocks, bringing them down like bowling pins. Bruised and half-covered in the ruins of a the fake city, the tender fruit cried a single imaginary tear from one misshapen eye.

"Enter, Super Kunoichi Temari!"

The not-yet-one-year-old toddler in question squealed happily, her short blonde hair ticking the top of her cheeks and a large makeshift cape swishing around her feet. With a mighty roar, she charged towards me, open-mouthed grin gracing her chubby face.

I sat cross legged above the wrecked towers, opening my arms wide as my little sister tackled me and brought us both to the ground, making sure to fall gently.

"Warghhh! So you dare challenge my reign of fruit!? I guess I have no choice but to fight back..."

Wrapping Temari up in a hug, I restrained her with a devious smile.

"Super secret hidden sand technique: A Thousand Years of Tickles!"

As I wiggled my fingers along her side, Temari squealed and desperately tried to squirm out of my grasp to no avail. Mwahaha small tyrant, I got you now!

"Oof!" A sudden rush of air escaped me as she suddenly decided to kicked me in the stomach, my arms moving to rub tenderly at the place where her little feet decided to nail me.

Damn, even at this age she was violent.

Perfect for her future profession.

Temari stop struggling as she noticed the lack of resistance, choosing to turn towards me instead as I abruptly played dead. There was a moment of silence in which I wondered if she had left before Temari decided to hit my face in an open-palmed slap.

Ouch.

That little shit.

I still hadn't 'woken up' yet, so she was getting worried, making cute little noises that sounded like questions. Humph. Like that'll make up for the fact that you just freaking slapped me in the goddamn face.

"Nee-s'n? Nee? Neeeeeee-" At first signs of a sob, I instantly sat up.

"Heyyy Temtem! I'm right here! Wooo!"

Why is it so easy for toddler to cry.

Her expression brightened with a squeal of 'Nee!' and with another slap(why me), it turned back into fun and games. She better be glad she's my little sister because otherwise I would've hit her back by now. And it wouldn't of been pretty.

Looking down at her bright little face, I only sighed.

A few months after Temari was born, I was suddenly faced with a dilemma as I stared down into her crib. With big green eyes the color of leafy jade forests and a droopy smile, she had reached out for me, curling her teeny fingers around my index one as she usually liked to do.

That small, innocent baby was going to grow up one day. And she was going to become a fucking kick-ass Jonin and then marry some lazy clan genius-and _she was_ _my precious little girl._

SHUT UP I KNOW I GET ATTACHED EASILY.

YOU DON'T NEED TO RUB IT IN.

The fact was, where can you get in this world as a skillless civilian? I didn't want to be some worthless, weak liability, always having to be protected by my siblings and in danger of being killed at the slightest of whim because I can't defend myself.

No fuck that.

In fact, _I_ should be the one protecting _them_. Most definitely not the other way around.

Even if I did know that none of them die, it can't stop me from worrying. Maybe my birth already affected the world, maybe things are getting changed.

What if they _do_ die this time? Then that would entirely be because of me

I wouldn't be able to deal with, to live with the fact that I couldn't save them. That I caused their deaths.

Well, from the beginning, I had already had my mind on being a ninja. Even if it meant I might die, I want to do my best-and it wasn't like I could stay home the rest of my life either.

Anyway, I huffed through a smile, it would've been embarrassing to be the oldest sibling and yet the weakest.

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

Kaa-san hummed to Temari as she watched me run through my warmups. As an increasingly energetic kid, there was only so much my mother could do to keep me entertained. So, with the advice of her brother(my uncle), who was a jonin, I began...training. In a way.

I huffed, my arms burning, and pushed myself up again shakily. It was only my 2nd pushup but my body was still squishy and weak. I barely made 3 before collapsing and moving on to stretching.

My routine so far consisted of a series of 'warm up' exercises(really more like a regular fitness program but less intense) that lasted two hours before running through taijutsu forms(another hour), taking a water break before I melt into a wet puddle of flesh, and then, surprisingly, flinging dulled down kunai at stumps for a while before finishing with some easy stretches.

So basically, ninja training. (As Tou-san's genetic line was full of strong ninjas with the kekkei-genkai of magnet release, I suppose we were classified as a clan now. Which technically meant I was undergoing clan training)

I wasn't complaining. In fact, things couldn't've worked out better in order for me to reach my goals.

In this world, it's the strong that survive. And I needed strength,(because some things are just too hax to beat. Like the fucking Sharingan.)

Or at least that's what I tell myself when I'm lying in the dirt, sweat mixing into the ground as the hot sun-that-still-makes-me-long-for-death beats down on my face, covered in a layer of grime that begs me to shower. But despite my exhaustion, I bathed in feeling of accomplishment from a job well done.

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

I peaked into Kaa-san's room to see her and Temari sound asleep in their afternoon nap. Although she needed less attention now that she was almost a year old, Temari was still a kid. And unlike me, she didn't have years of prior knowledge. As a result, despite being mild even at her young age, Temari was definitely more troublesome than I was and Kaa-san found it a full-time job to keep up with her.

Gently closing the door, I tried to find something else to do. These days, my options were mainly narrowed down to training, learning, playing with Temari, and randomly wandering around the village. I was bored.

And usually, if I'm bored, stupid things happen.

A lot of stupid things, born out of hyperactive tendencies.

I made a note to apologize for any and all trauma that I may cause in hopes of finding entertainment.

But I guess at this point in time, I would just study for now.

What was the third part of the Shinobi Code of Conduct again?

My bookshelf was slowly being filled with more and more books centered around being a ninja, consciously or otherwise(some days, I would find books left for me by the self, possibly as subtle encouragement from Tou-san).

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

Singing an obscure song that I faintly remember from my past life under my breath, I watered my newest cactus.

In light of my newfound free time, I took up the wonderful hobby of gardening. Choosing to ignore the fact that Suna was a hot, sandy, lifeless pit of doom and that all the nice leafy plants died millenniums ago, there was still something that had managed to endure.

Why, cacti of course!

Round, tall, or in all the various shades of green, cacti were great. And they bloomed pretty little flowers in certain seasons as well!

Alright look, it was the closest I could get to any sort of greenery other than my lonely houseplant that had to be kept under constant maintenance, and at least it wouldn't shrivel up and wilt in the deathly heat that was the Suna sun. Don't fucking judge me.

Speaking of which, I quickly retreated indoors after my job was done, watching my plants through the window. Where I was safe from being turned into a little crisp of charred kid.

Yes. Very nice.

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

Oh god. Not again. Not this again. It hadn't even been a year.

"What." Disbelief.

"I said, Hoki-chan, that you're gonna get a little sister and-slash-or brother again! Aren't you excited?" Fear.

Fuck no I've had enough of that shit with Temari! Do you know how _crazy_ pregnant woman were?!

I stared at lump on Kaa-san's belly with horror, remembering the wild mood swings and strange cravings and weird actions of her past pregnancy.

No, please, I couldn't handle watching my usually gentle mom cry over shrimp and blend cabbages into a smoothie.

Please.

As usual, my prayers went unanswered.

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

All the way in Kiri, the Mizukage wondered whose lovely tortured scream he was hearing.

* * *

 **Sorry if this chapter seemed kinda choppy, I just had to fix the timeline first, and I'm thinking of working on the third chapter, but at the same time I need to revise this one...? *dies***

 **-5/12/18**


	3. Chapter 3: Kankuro

_**I'm back. Didya miss me?**_

 _ **Sorry it took so long to update, but I recently found some inspiration, so here you go!**_

* * *

"WaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

Not this shit again.

I groaned, moving to bury my head under the pillow. It was only partly effective, as the soundwaves from my demon brother seemed to go straight through most objects.

Now, if I had thought the nights with Temari had been bad, I had no words for the satanic creature that was Kankuro at night. He didn't just do baby wails to get his needs met, oh no, he fucking screamed at the top of his goddamn lungs, every. Single. Night. Even after Kaa-san changes him. Even after she feeds him. Even after she holds him for hours, patting his back comfortingly. The kid just didn't stop.

"Nee-chan?" I looked up blearily, making out the small form of Temari in my room, features lit by the wash of the pale moon as she stood above my futon. Her hair, an untamable mass of spiky blonde, was already set in her standard 4 ponytails, and she was currently wearing a pink nightgown. The stuffed giraffe I bought(well...Kaa-san bought, but I picked it out) her for her first birthday was clutched nervously in her arms, to the point where I almost felt bad for the thing if that wasn't it's purpose. I hadn't even heard the door open amongst the ruckus Kankuro was making.

"Tem-tem?" I replied, the rasping end lilting in curiosity after making sure it really was her I saw. Setting the pillow down and sitting up straighter, I let her take her time to muster up her courage as she idly squeezed her toy.

"I can't sleep,"

Hokari read between the lines.

I can't sleep; The loud noises scared me awake, "Can I sleep with you, Nee-chan?" I don't wanna be alone in the dark.

Features softening, I opened up my covers with a smile and wordlessly invite her in. With a soft 'thank you', Temari made herself comfortable before I let the blanket fall back down, shivering slightly at her cold feet pressed against my knees. Tucking her securely in my arms, I sighed and resigned myself to getting used to disrupted nights again.

Temari, now having to deal with the same toils I faced at her birth, as well as being granted a smaller section of Kaa-san's time, had taken to crawling into my futon at bedtime, demanding her usual bedtime story(a responsibility Kaa-san gratefully handed over to me through bloodshot eyes). I had no problem with it, although she usually ends up falling asleep next to me instead of going back to her own room.

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡

It was storming, which was rare since we lived in the middle of the desert.

It reminded me of how much I missed thunderstorms. In my previous life, we had lived near the ocean, and rains were a frequent appearance. It had been the lullaby to many of my dreams as a child, and now I found myself bathing in the familiar calming aura they gave off. Too bad it was night, so I couldn't go out and feel the warm water on my skin.

Lulled by the pittering of the rain, the low rumble of the thunder, and the soft, warm body next to me, I quickly fell into pleasant dreams.

Only to be woken up a few hours later by Temari whimpering and turning next to me. Still half in the realm of sleep, I held still and absentmindedly waited for her to settle, slowly unsticking my eyes when she didn't, confused and tired.

"Temari?"

I watched wearily as she immediately stiffened in my arms. Another moment passed in which I realized she wasn't going to say anything.

I sighed, a soft breath that tickled the top of her head, and glanced at the clock. Though barely illuminated by the occasional lightening as the clouds had blocked the moon, I was able to make out the hour hand on the two.

Goddammit.

Laying back on my pillow, I listened to the calming taps of the rain that still remained before talking again to the small child that had taken to stuffing her face into my neck.

"Are you scared?"

The thunder rolled again, as if to enunciate my point, and I felt Temari quake a little.

"N-no..."

Bringing a hand up to rub my eyes, I yawned before curling up around her tighter.

"There's nothing to be scared of, Tem-tem," I mummered sleepily,

"Nee-san will protect you, see?"

It was a little soon to be making promises I didn't know if I could keep, but as Temari softened in my hold and her breathing evened out, I couldn't bring myself to wish I hadn't said it.

This time, I silently swore to the pressing dark of my room, I would keep every single one of my promises.

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

Kaa-san and I were sitting in a small cafe, having a nice mother-daughter bonding time for what felt like the first time in forever.

Earlier that day, she had approached me and lamented about how she hadn't been spending much time with me as she'd been busy with my other siblings, so she wanted to know if I wanted to have a little day off with her as she'd hired a genin team to watch Temari and Kankuro.

I snickered a little at that and asked if she warned them that Temtem liked drinking perfectly lukewarm orange juice at 3 in the afternoon and got hissy if she didn't(Kankuro was a whole other can of worms, even worse than Temari at times. Honestly, it was only a relief that he wasn't fast enough to toddle much out of side before one of us caught him).

Kaa-san just smiled at me, a mischievous twinkle in her eye and a small giggle resting on her lips.

I smirked back, sadistic glee running through me at the chaos that was sure to ensure.

So now we were in a nice sweets shop, Kaa-san with a slice of mango mousse cake and me with a tiny and delicious fruit parfait. The cream they used was delicious, and I kept licking my lips in hopes of catching any that might of lingered.

We were having a brief interlude of silence to enjoy our desserts, and I thought this would be as good of a time as any to bring up what I had been considering the past few weeks.

"Kaa-san...I think I wanna be a ninja."

The statement hung in the air for a brief second, and while I knew that the chance she would reject it was miniscule, as her husband was a shinobi, I still felt myself squirming in my seat.

Her smile became a little strained, but she looked silently defeated, as if this was something she had already come to terms with.

"Mou, there's no problem with that. I just want to ask, Kori-chan..." She trailed off and looked at me with a newfound seriousness,

"Why do you want to be a ninja?"

I blinked at the sudden question. Why? There were a lot of reasons why. Things that I couldn't tell her, things I couldn't tell anybody- but there was one thing I knew for sure...

"Because...I want to protect Kaa-san and Temari and Kankuro-" and Gaara and Naruto and a million other sobbing children-, "and be strong like Tou-san!"

It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't all of the truth, either. However, my mother seemed to accept it wearily, a small smile peeking at her lips.

"Well then, I guess I can't stop you. I guess it's good we've already started on your training then, ne?"

She paused and looked out the window, considering something I couldn't see in her head.

"You're still a little young to enter the academy. The usual age is eight, but I think they've lowered it quite a bit since the war started…" She turned to me, almost sadly, the smile on her face lacking it's usual cheer. "Maybe next year, then. If you're ready."

I started, quickly covering up my shock by taking another big spoonful of my dessert. The war...had already began? How long ago? When will it end? Oh god, no wonder her books were so insistent on loyalty and strong ninjas, they weren't remenets from conflicted times, they were designed for children in the middle of a wartime.

Does this mean her Tou-san has been taking missions for the war? It would make sense as to why he was gone so often and so frequently.

Team Minato...Rin would die, Obito turn insane, Kakashi haunted for the rest of his days. Thousands of children thrown into battle as the need to cannon fodder shot up. I was only thankful my siblings were too young to fight, safe in the village for now.

Suddenly, the icecream didn't seem so sweet.

"Hai Kaa-san! I'll work hard, I promise!" I said brightly, forcing as much enthusiasm into the phase as it could. She simply flashed me another bittersweet smile.

"Now... how about we go shopping after this?"

The topic switched to something lighter, keeping pleasant conversation until our desserts were all finished and Kaa-san payed the bill. Afterwards, we did in fact go visit the shopping district. In the end, all we got a doll for Temari, a bell toy for Kankuro, some books on common jutsus for me, and some nice new clay for Kaa-san's pottery.

Yes, it turns out Kaa-san made pottery. It was a hobby and she hadn't found much time for it lately, so she was a little worried about her skills going rusty. She mainly made things like vases and bowls, sometimes even selling them.

To my excitment, she said that she'd let me have a try at it the next time she was free.

With a new skip in my steps, I looked forward to the next break she had.

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

"Look Kannnkuro! Do you like my new vase-"

Smack. SMASH.

I stare at the remnants of my first creation, now in pieces on the floor, a single tear springing to my eye. Kankuro...why….

The perpetrator just giggled innocently, before holding up his arms for me to carry him.

* * *

"Did you hear? The Third Kazekage is missing." "What? How?" "Nobody knows...he just...disappeared!"

For two weeks, the village searches after the man considered the strongest Sunagakure shinobi in history. While ANBU and other shinobi teams were not recalled, they were instructed to watch for signs of their Kazekage on the field.

They never do find him.

At Sunagakure's sudden unstablement, it's forces on the frontlines are being overwhelmed. The search for the Kazekage is drawn back as the council declares him dead, desperately needing someone to step into his place for the duration of the war.

Rasa steps up.

(It so happens, the first time they see their Tou-san that year, is when he's being crowned Kazekage.)

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

It's an almost surreal experience, packing up everything to move into the Kazekage tower. Temari keeps chattering excitedly, but I can't return her enthusiasm in full.

The walls of my new room are not green, but the same color as the rest of the buildings now. Tou-san won't let me paint it, so it's stuck this way.

Slowly, I get used to a life where there's an ANBU watching at every turn.

(At least the view from the roof is nice.)

* * *

"Recite to me Rule #47 of the Shinobi Code of Conduct." Despite having to keep a hold on Kankuro and Temari(though the latter was usually content simply sitting there and reading, the former kept trying to run off after anything that caught his interest), Kaa-san's voice was still serious.

"A shinobi must follow their commander's instructions."

She nodded, "List the three main jutsu types."

"Ninjutsu, Taijutsu, Genjutsu."

"And what must you always remember?"

"Victory at all costs." The motto of the village.

"Now go do your stretches, I have a surprise for you!" She chirped, the harshness of her features suddenly fading away.

Obediently, I sat down on the flat, thicker sand of our 'backyard' and started with my basic toe reaches.

Victory at all costs.

Sunagakure, above friends, above family, above life, valued the completion of the mission before all. It was one of the first things drilled into me when I told Kaa-san I wanted to be a ninja, and though the cold sentiment had already settled into my throat like melting ice, it still made me want to turn tail and flee.

This was what it meant to be a Sunagakure shinobi. To churn out thousands like my Tou-san, putting the value of the village beyond any single individual, regardless of who you lose or how. Accepting that at any moment, everything you've ever held close could slip away like oil through your hands, even your life.

"Hello, Kori-chan!"

I snapped out of my melancholy thoughts at the new voice, looking up from doing the splits to see a man that looked uncanningly similar to Kaa-san, just with darker eyes and lighter hair. This was...her brother?

"It's your uncle, Yashamaru! Say hi to him, Hokori-chan." Feeling my throat constrict, I bowed and said my hellos.

We had met before. He was there at my birth(apparently), visited us a month after Temari's birth, and a week after Kankuro's just because of shinobi schedules. He tried to make as many birthdays as he could, but would always leave gifts for us even if he wasn't there to physically attend. He was a familiar face.

Yet, this was the man that shoved Gaara off the edge(even though he touched his heart with such tenderness, even though affection gleamed in his eyes, loyalty to the village came first-and she began to understand-).

"Since he finally got a break from ANBU duties, I thought it would be a good chance for him to spar with you, since I haven't been able to."

I had to do a double take.

An ANBU? Sparring me? Four years old, can only do basic taijutsu, and doesn't have the capacity to really use chakra yet me?

I sent a bewildered look to my mother that expressed exactly what the fuck I thought of that idea.

Unfortunately, Yashamaru caught it too(of course he did) and laughed, rubbing the top of my head but luckily not pulling any stands from it's ponytail.

"No worries, Kori-chan! I'll go easy on you! I'm a medic-nin anyway, so taijutsu isn't my forte."

Yeah, like that makes it any better I grumbled in my head, but I straightened into the beginning pose of the first kata Kaa-san taught me, spreading my feet out and holding my arms loosely in front of me, armed only with some basic forms and now, apparently, the ability to apply them.

"Alright, you ready?"

I nodded, eyes wide open and alert, already prepared for his first strike.

He came at me first, going in easy with a slow punch that I deflected. I returned the favor, only to find my fist in his palm. He directed my force to the left, and I quickly willed my leg to strike out into his side.

It wasn't fast enough, and I found my face in the dirt.

My face flushed pink. That was...even more embarrassing than I thought it would be. The spar had barely lasted a few seconds, and I was already down.

While I got up, trying to push the red from my face, my uncle gave a thoughtful hum.

"How about we try that again, Kori-chan?"

I really, really would rather not repeat it, but I nodded anyway. All in the goal of improvement, right?

It went down the same way, my right leg barely brushing his side this time, but it was still too late to save me from my fate.

Face, meet ground for date number two. At this rate, you'll be married soon.

"Alright, I think I know what's wrong."

I looked up, miffed, as Yashamaru extended a hand to me. After pulling me up, he turned towards my mother, "Did you start her on chakra exercises yet?"

Kaa-san looked faintly surprised. "No...not yet. I was waiting for her coils to develop further."

Yashamaru closed his eyes, thinking.

"She's almost three now, right? Her coils should be almost complete by now, some slight training shouldn't affect them, especially with Rasa's genes." He looked me over, brushing some dirt off my shoulder as he spoke.

"Usually, shinobi children learn at a very young age how to use chakra to enhance their abilities. It's how they manage clan training, and how other ninjas are able to perform faster strikes."

He smiled at me kindly, eyes closed in arches.

"Kori-chan, you were trying to hit me with your leg, right?" I nodded, and he continued regardless if he saw it or not.

"Well, you would've made it if you had put a little more chakra behind that kick. For some reason, you don't seem to be using any of your chakra unconsciously. I guess that's where we'll start."

I stared at him, in awe at how he figured out my problem so fast.

Then, Yashmaru's eyes opened, and I saw the sadistic glint sharpening his eyes.

Oh shit-

(Well, at least I know the tendency to revel in the suffering of others runs in the family now)

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Yashamaru...that sadistic bastard of an uncle…

I groaned, laying in the beaten dirt, feeling an ache down to my very bones. I felt completely and utterly depleted, pretty sure I had some mild form of chakra exhaustion, and if not, I wouldn't be able to walk for at least a week. Kaa-san ended up having to carry me home, still sending Yashamaru off with a smile, thankful to her brother for beating her daughter into the ground.

God, how the fuck did this guy become the domestic shit that he was with Gaara?

I practically had to crawl into my room that night after barely surviving standing in the shower, falling asleep before my head even hit the pillow(Temari pouted all through breakfast next day that I fell asleep before reading her a story, despite my apologies).

Much to my disbelief and horror, Yashamaru shows up the next day, smiling that secretly vicious smile and mentioning how since he injured his arm on his last mission, he had the entire week off to wait for it to heal.

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Madara Uchiha abruptly starts out of his peaceful nap, confused at finding nothing after flaring out his chakra. Perhaps it had been his imagination, then. He had sworn he heard a scream.

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Hokari stopped being surprised when she saw the positive pregnancy test(again), resigned to her fate.

She got the old blender out from the new cabinet(some things just never change, she supposes. Like pregnancies).

Alright hormones. You vs me. Round three.

(She notices how a few months later, when the bump has just started showing, Kaa-san becomes taken to covering her stomach, refusing to let her children see her skin. And she notices that there's a strange edge in her mother's chakra now, as if trying to cover-up something malicious that wasn't there before, and how she seems more tired than usual, and how she sometimes grimaces when she passes a hand over her stomach, and how-)

ﾟ.*･｡ﾟﾟ.*･｡ﾟ ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

It hadn't been particularly hard to stick a rock to her hand. It had taken her about twenty tries of apply and reapplying chakra to find the correct balance, but by the end of day, she had succeeded. It helped that she'd been thinly layering chakra over her leg in her mock fights with Yashamaru(who was currently gone on another mission that would take months, but he promised to train her more when he got back) in a quite astonishing display of chakra control.

Her gaze shifted to the beaten kunai her uncle had left for her, deeming it useless since it had been chipped on it's left blade. He had told her to try that, after the rock, and then keep sticking things to her if she managed to complete that task too.

Sighing, she quickly judged her chakra to be at half her reserves, and grabbed the kunai.

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Before she knew it, another year had almost passed. It was her birthday, October 25th. She was now three years old.

That was strange, everything had happened so fast. Had it really only been three years? It felt like so much longer.

She had gotten a variety of presents, including but not limited to three sets of dull kunai, two sets of shuriken, a nice pair of training weights, two storage scrolls, and seven sebon. She had been elatated at having her own weaponry and at the fact that everyone seemed to be encouraging in the face of her dreams(she didn't know what she was going to do with so much mesh, though).

Her mother stroked her hair as she rested her head in her lap, pressing her face against the warm bulge of her stomach in the aftermath of the party. Her siblings were scattered around her, Kankuro's back tucked against her front, facing Temari, who had an arm draped over him, both their legs tangling with her own.

The only light came from a candle her mother had lit on the table next to the couch where they all lay.

Despite the affection she already felt to the precious child growing in her Kaa-san, with it came a deep sense of loss.

It would only be a few more months, now. Until Gaara was born.

Until she would...inevitably...lose her mother.

She placed a hand on the bump, pushing her face closer and her emotions deeper within her. Instead, she forced the words into her whisper, hating the fact that it trembled in the middle.

"Don't worry, Gaara. I promise to be there for you too."

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It's November.

She feels the fear creeping closer with every passing day. It's a never ending dread, and the worst part, is that she can do nothing about it.

She smiles serenely at the sight of her younger sister and brother happily eating meat buns as they sat on the bench together, swinging their legs childishly as she practices her kata, all waiting for her mother to finish checking out at the grocery store. Kaa-san's been spoiling them more and more. She spends as much time with her children as she can nowadays.

Hokari feels the weights dangle from her wrists and ankles like a physical reminder.

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It's December.

She sits with her Kaa-san on the roof of the Kazekage Tower, both quietly content to sit in silence and watch the stars.

In the cloak of the dark, Karura looks at her daughter, lit pale by the light of the stars. The first child she's ever had.

She thinks about how her hair is the same shade as her father's, if not even a darker red. She thinks about how it curls a little at the ends, though, unlike Rasa's. No, that was from her. That and her eyes, the same indigo that she sees in the mirror.

She thinks of how she keeps Temari sated, of how she makes sure Kankuro doesn't get in trouble. She's grown from the little child waddling around their apartment and begging her Kaa-san for more stories. She's grown from the small body tucked against her side, the one that Karura had to protect from overly observing gazes. She's grown from the wide-eyed toddler that stumbled over every word.

Hokari's improving quickly in her ninja studies, even Yashamaru tells her that her progress is extraordinary, and Karura's sure that she'll end up being an extraordinarily strong and capable kunoichi one day.

Wrapping her arms around her firstborn, she hugs her close.

"Ne, Hokori...take care of your siblings, alright?"

She pretends she can't feel the way her daughter has trouble choking down sobs, or the way her tears roll a burning trail down her skin.


End file.
